Why Do I Blog, Anyway
It started with an offhand mention on Mastodon that I’m tired of my blog design, again and already, then turned into a whole other thing on Bluesky because I do wonder whether unease with technical things like this isn’t actually about other things entirely.
It’s weird but I have this ongoing tension, whose intensity varies greatly, between, on the one hand, the fact that technically I’m trying to restore twenty years of blogging and, on the other hand, the fact that part of me would enjoy just not blogging anymore at all.
At the moment I’m wondering whether the latter would be more likely if my life were financially self-sufficient, in that being of no value and of no use and so with no possibility of income, I feel like incessant chatter is the only way to feel like I’m even actually here, existing.
And, I guess, because once my family support is gone, I’ll probably just fade away, but at least I blogged constantly while I was around, or something.
Whereas if I knew that my actual life were financially secure in perpetuity somehow, I think I’d be fine just posting to social media with timed deletion and living online ephemerally.
I’m here. I’m here. I’m here. Remember that I was here once there’s no longer anything making that be true.
Addenda
- Worse, I guess, is that keeping up with reading other people’s blogs is starting to feel like a chore. Shortly before the Mastodon post I mentioned, or maybe after, I’d also mentioned that I was taking a hatchet to my follows there. Really, I’m increasingly feeling that I just want a stable, sane future that I can go off and experience and not worry about documenting. I think the documentation really is just sort of a desperate, existential flail.