Alex Hardgrave for The Oregonian reports on local attorney Jennifer Kristiansen’s story of being disappeared off the streets of Portland by Operation Diligent Valor (no, really), making my eyes roll all the more at Homeland Security employees deploying the world’s smallest violin.

One of the arresting officers turned her around and pushed her against the wall of the federal courthouse, she said, then touched her breast and butt. It’s unclear if it was intentional or not. She was terrified for a moment.

Officers handcuffed her and took her into the federal courthouse. One handcuff was so loose it slipped off, allowing her to quickly send a text from her Apple Watch to her husband: “Angry cursing face emoji. Sorry can’t talk right now. Police officer face emoji.”