Bix dot Blog

Here’s the fucked-up psychological issue with being broke (setting aside that I’m only broke right now because I had to waste $25 on an SD card because I was halfway to the zoo before I realized I didn’t have one and the bus route in question runs infrequently, and so psychologically I’m also just fucking mad and frustrated at that): my autistic brain has difficulty with a lack of control. When there’s no money, I’ve no control over what I can or can’t do for the day, and my options or lack thereof often might not match what my brain wants, or even needs, to be doing in order to remain calm and steady. So mentally I just sort of fold in on myself, because when I’m denied control, nerves fray, and any new jostle could set me off.