It’s been awhile since I had a good “who the fuck is writing this timeline” moment, but this jaw-dropper of a New York Times piece that no one asked for or ever would ask for likely qualifies as an all-time winner. Revealed by the Times is that Jeffrey Epstein apparently had something of a transhumanist eugenics bent that included a desire to seed the world by impregnating women at a New Mexico facility. I’m left pleading to the sky for an answer to why all these evil men with which we have found ourselves surrounded seem to be a combination of James Bond villain, Wile E. Coyote, and Jeffrey Dahmer. Everyone’s going to write about the eugenics (or maybe the penis-freezing!), so what I wanted to note was a uniquely-batshit revelation elsewhere in the article.

Mr. Epstein was willing to finance research that others viewed as bizarre. He told one scientist that he was bankrolling efforts to identify a mysterious particle that might trigger the feeling that someone is watching you.

Sophons. He’s literally talking about sophons. Jeffrey Epstein read The Three-Body Problem, a Chinese science-fiction novel, and became so paranoid he actually tried to find scientists willing to investigate the sophon threat. I can’t. I just can’t.