Fatigue, exhaustion, and (I guess?) depression continued into their fifth day, having haunted me since Friday.
Today it was like a wall fell on me while I was at the zoo, where I was trying to get in a mental health trip in advance of Friday’s surgery and its resulting five days of being tethered to a catheter. I’d barely arrived before I was having trouble thinking and moving. It didn’t help that my favorite of the zoo’s domestic goats was missing-in-action, and being the last remaining of the old guard at around fifteen years, I fear the worst.
The problem with the way I experience this kind of autistic exhaustion (and whatever the fatigue is, and whyever the depressive symptoms are happening) is that even once I get myself home my brain is too abuzz for sleep, so it’s just basically being awake and tortured.
It’s a sort of vague, dull, inescapable agony.