Sorry, But Yes: I Hate Being Autistic

What follows is excerpted from a week and a half’s worth of notes taken for use during therapy this Friday. This past Friday was bladder and prostate surgery; I spent the weekend feeling purely mechanistic and empty of self. Tuesday, part one Near-miss mental health crisis at catheter removal when without any advance prep before…More

You Wouldn’t Hurt Yourself

Over the past couple of weeks I’ve had to endure first a quick walkthrough of my apartment by potential buyers of the property, and then a longer, excruciating inspection. Having confirmed that a sale is pending, I’ve started to worry about the prospects of needing to move—a cognitively confounding idea even without the fact that…More

Doing The Work First

Among the many questions prompted by a midlife autism diagnosis is some variation of “how did you go forty years without anyone noticing”—sometimes framed, as it once was for me by an actual social services professional, as an incredulous and insulting “did you really not know”. It’s a question that looms large as my therapist…More

I’m On A Boat

On my fourth day on antibiotics for my fourth urinary tract infection of the year, the world started to move even when I was standing still. I’ve dealt with height vertigo for as long as I can remember. Growing up, even just being too close to the railing on the second floor of the local…More

I Wish You Were More Predictable

Gone from social media since last year (notwithstanding the two locked accounts to which I do not post but use to contact various companies’ support channels, or to keep up with a handful of cats, goats, and zoos), I nonetheless keep an eye out for concepts which help me explain why. Enter an Aeon dissection…More