At An Impasse
I’ve hit something of an impasse in my project to restore decades of blogging, coincident with one in my brain chemistry. The era I’ve been working on at this point is all untitled posts from my Write.as and Micro.blog use (as well as some Tumblr), but Weblog.LOL isn’t yet set up to do untitled posts. The bulk of this can’t be restored until the eventual import process anyway because there are just too many posts to do by hand, but even the one-hundred or so posts from Tumblr that are ready to go need to wait until the untitled posts thing is working—and it’s very much in the pipeline, so I have no stress over that part, specifically. It’s just that even though the posts that have to wait until an import process do require a bunch of manual labor on my part well before that step, and so there’s plenty I could be working on, my motivation is flagging. I think because the Tumblr posts are prepped but have to wait, my brain isn’t keen on working on the hundreds of Write.as posts or the thousands of Micro.blog posts—let alone anything from earlier eras that I consider a completely separate thing. To reiterate, this isn’t a problem caused by the Weblog.LOL development process. There’s plenty of work to do that has nothing to do with Weblog.LOL but my brain just…won’t, and that’s cascading to tank my mental state and, really, my overall sense of self-worth. I’ve been stuck all day in a version of the uncollapsed autistic wave function and a sort of underlying ripple of imposter syndrome—all as it’s now been weeks of cognitive and motor glitches and feeling like everything I handle puts up a fight—and forcing myself to walk to the coffeeshop to read over a latte did nothing to help any of it. This is not a good day, and I don’t know any way out of it except to endure it until it is over, and I’m generally done with needing just to endure…everything.