That time last year I tried to coin the autistic wave function as a way to describe a certain kind of overwhelm when a plan or routine is disrupted, my resources are low, and the resulting decisions are myriad.

I’ve talked before about what I call “brain foam”, a more intense version of brain fog where it isn’t that I can’t see what I’m thinking (which is what brain fog is to me) but that my thoughts are present yet frozen in place, as if immobilized by Instapak. What happened yesterday in essence was the extreme version of brain foam.

Every choice I had with the rigidly-desired one out of play was laid out before me, and I could see every single one. Every possible position in which I could exist in the next moment was as clear as day.

Because someone will probably say, “I thought you couldn’t visualize”: I’m speaking here of a conceptual clarity, or a situational awareness; not visualization.

Author: Bix

The unsupported use case of a mediocre, autistic midlife in St. Johns, Oregon —now with added global pandemic.